
A Googlenope
Pulitzer Prize winners were announced yesterday and the Washington Post’s Gene Weingarten is one the happy happy winners. Weingarten won the feature writing prize for his truly amazing piece “Fatal Distraction” about parents who forget their children in cars.
Anyway, Weingarten is also a wonderful humorist and his super funny “Below the Beltway” column is published weekly in The WP. So we dug up some of his old work and found a very funny and unique column discussing Google searches. We all know that it’s going to be quite difficult to NOT find something online and Mr. Weingarten took an extra step and actually tried to google a phrase and come up with 0 results.
“When a phrase cannot be found on Google, I call it a Googlenope. Once a Googlenope is discovered and written about, it is no longer a Googlenope” writes Weingarten.
Finding Googlenopes is quite hard, especially when phrases like “Santa Claus nude” receive 278 hits. But eventually, the dedicated reporter managed to come up with an interesting list of Googlnopes. Here are a few:
Queen Elizabeth’s buttocks.
I was helped by the federal government.
Next, boil the toast . . .
If you take off your bra, I’m calling the cops.
Jesus loves you for your money.
Rove should just shut up and look pretty.
I believe dust mites have souls.
This lobster must have been Roman Catholic.
Plush Osama doll.
The best pork chops in Jerusalem.
And if you thought that googling any name will bring at least facebook, myspace or linkedin results, Weingarten found these people to be Googlenopes:
Tiffani Suarez.
Antwaan Rothschild.
Rajneesh Roosevelt III.
Billy Bob Nussbaum.
Mohammed Ciccolini.
Moishe Goebbels.
Wait, and what about:
Please accept these underpants as collateral . . .
I owe my life to unprotected sex.
Thor adjusted his mascara.
Nelson Mandela is a doo-doo head.
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious-esque.
My grandchildren are so ugly.
The Iraqi Regis Philbin.
Hey, this tastes like aardvark.
Hot cheese sundae.
Cancer, heart disease and zits.
“I’m Stephen Hawking and I’m a Capricorn.”
Pizza with Condoleezza.
Man-boob implants.
Acid klezmer band.
Cancer of the bellybutton.
The yodeling librarian.
Insufficient cellulite.
Of course that these are no longer Googlenopes and they appear online, but this little venture turned out to be a fun past time. Try to come up with your Googlenopes and if you feel that your business is a Googlenope, well… then you should come to us and we’ll help you with your internet marketing.
Congrats to Weingarten!